Respect
What Even Is It ? Plus.. 7 Of My Always and 7 Of My Never
Let's Talk About .. Respect
Continuing on from lasts weeks newsletter on Alignment, which also delved into internal conflict, values, and respect, I wanted to go a little deeper into my thoughts around respect and share a list of things that I believe are important to me personally, when it comes to this word that is thrown around quite often.
In particular in relationships, and when there is conflict, most people will say ‘I want to be respected’, ‘I respect others and deserve that in return’ or even the old ‘respect must be earned’ which in my opinion is almost an excuse for being disrespectful. I mean, if we have to earn respect, does that mean we have no respect for a stranger? How do they earn it ? Or are we meaning that if you lose my respect, then you must earn it back by adhering to behaviours that I demand or expect of you ? It can all be a bit confusing especially if we were raised in environments that were not exactly a model for respect of others according to societal norms, or if we dont communicate our feelings around respect.
Given the fact that respect can mean different things for each of us, sometimes a reflection on the meaning of it, and importance of it for oneself will enable us to be respectful toward others, and even more importantly maintain respect ourselves.
Respect - to have due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others even when we may not be in agreeance with such feelings, wishes or rights
Maintaining respect for ourselves in a world that is full of contrasting opinions, thoughts and expectations can be hard. In particular, if we are someone who generally puts others feelings ahead of our own. For me, having a list is a handy reflection tool, or perhaps a reminder for when I may be feeling disappointed, upset or frustrated by others behaviour or treatment toward me. A list can pull me back into my own lane, and help me stay there.
My beliefs on the foundations and parameters of respect are quite deep seeded, and therefore when I experience a conflicting scenario, or don’t receive these during interactions I can feel disrespected, and in turn disconnected. I guess the key here is to understand that by showing these behaviours to others, we set an example, and by doing so they may just learn how good it feels to be on the receiving end of respect, and reciprocate.
Of course that is not always going to be the case, as some people unfortunately are just plain disrespectful or have variance in differing beliefs on what respect is. Either way, if they do reciprocate what you are putting out wonderful, if they don’t that’s ok too. It is then up to us as individuals to make a decision as to what we will or won’t tolerate, and set boundaries around those individual tolerances.
7 Of My Always and 7 Of My Never
Always
Stand up to greet someone or shake their hand.
Listen with the intention to understand
Maintain eye contact to form trust
Tell people only what they need to know
Keep all technology or your phone in your pocket or bag during a conversation to avoid distraction
Share what you’ve have learned from the ideas and work of others to inspire those around you, and always give the creator of those ideas credit.
Take as much time as you need to make decisions without allowing your emotions to overpower them, or someone else enforcing a time limit on you
Never
Never beg for time or attention from anyone. Ever.
Never stay in a relationship, job or friendship that brings you or the other person continued or repeated pain or suffering
Never make fun of others efforts or ideas
Never allow another’s opinion determine your life decisions
Never waste or disrespect someone elses time
Never put your dreams or goals aside to give someone else theirs
Never give attention to those who doubt, disrespect or are dishonest to you
A list of any kind can be used as a reminder when we want to implement or complete something, therefore a list such as this helps me to stay on track.
All of the behaviours I have on my list are fairly simple, most are natural and instinctual whereas others we may learn over time. This may be by experiencing or witnessing interactions via our peers, being taught by parents, teachers or mentors, or even by adaptation. Being on the receiving end of respect or disrespect, we have first hand knowledge with how certain behaviours make us feel, allowing an insight into how others may also feel if we act in that same way. Hence, we may unconsciously adapt our behaviour patterns accordingly.
Personally, I believe that understanding and awareness of what respect means to you, and those around you is the core of being a genuinely respectful human.
I hope that my list helps you to reflect upon what is important to you when it comes to respect, and may be used to bring positive changes and more respect into your life both given and received. I am fairly certain that many of you will relate to all that I have included, and implement some or most of them into your daily life and interactions. I am also certain it is highly likely (given that I know the community of readers I have here) that many of you are doing more of the ‘Always’, and less of the ‘Nevers’, as often we will respect others, yet forget the respect we want and need to have in return, or that we give to ourselves.
If that is something you are nodding to whilst reading and say yes, thats me.. then I ask you to please take the time to write your own list, or use mine if you prefer and adapt it to set yourself some goals to ensure you are respecting yourself, as much as you are to others, and getting that in return.
As with all editions, I am always keen to hear your thoughts on what I have shared. Please do let me know in the comments if you have a list, or what you would add or remove from mine ?
Note that by placing a comment, rather than sending a personal message you gift others with an alternate opinion or thought, and help us all learn and grow together as a community.
However if you prefer to personal message that is also fine too!
A note about the artwork I use in my newsletters
Each issue you may notice that I share some incredible artwork. I put ALOT of effort into finding unique pieces that represent a story I am telling, to create an emotion that is relevant to my words, and encapsulate how I want you the reader to feel, through a visualisation of the art.
Most of the art or images I select are easily distinguished as to the relevance to the topic, whereas others at times, not so much. This week, I am sharing the background details, or storyline of the artwork that I have chosen as upon first glance I doubt you will see the relevance to this issue. However, after reading the words from the artist below I am sure when you look back at the art, you will see the significance. In particular the second last paragraph which I have placed in bold for easy reference, and for those who may want to skip ahead!
Finally, if you love art as much as I do, click through via this link to Saatchi Art and see many more incredible and inspirational pieces. Enjoy my friends!
Ji #1 Photograph - Limited Edition of 20 (First Image) Martyn Thompson United Kingdom As foreigners, the expectations that native Koreans hold regarding our cultural knowledge and linguistic abilities are minimal at best. Uttering the words for 'hello' or 'thank you' are often greeted with awkward laughter, which becomes as repetitive as being asked if you can eat spicy food. A slight nod of the head here or a hand gesture there, receiving something with two hands, or holding back your sleeve to pour an elder a drink, the cultural differences become more noticeable with time spent observing. The subtleties are highlighted, or become apparent through witnessing others.Small differences like whether the left or right hand is atop the other for a bow, or how far away the supporting hand is from the pouring hand, meant a lot to past generations of Koreans. But now younger generations of Koreans are prone to the same cultural obliviousness as many foreigners. In a culture that is hurtling away from its traditional past, Korea attempts to grasp hold of the few cultural practices it still adheres to. Actions are gradually learned: they're sometimes taught, sometimes figured out subconsciously, or sometimes acquired through repeated practice. This series draws attention to these intricacies by replicating the Korean bow, displaying a sequence of superimposed images, mapping each model's actions, from standing to fully bowing