Expectations
The Importance of Putting Yourself First
Prioritising Your Well-Being- The Importance of Putting Yourself First over others Expectations
"Great Spirit, grant that I may not criticize my neighbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasins." - Cherokee Proverb
In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to find ourselves caught in the whirlwind of expectations and obligations. We juggle work, family, friends, and countless other responsibilities, often feeling like we're running on an endless treadmill. In this chaos, it's crucial to remember that prioritising your well-being and setting boundaries is not a selfish act—it's an act of self-preservation.
I'd like to share a personal story that many of us can relate to. I believe by sharing insights into my life and experiences helps you, my readers feel understood and also not so alone. The story is of being pulled in all directions and feeling the weight of others' expectations. It's how I learned the vital lesson of putting myself first without guilt that others placed upon me.
Throughout my life, I've encountered many people, including family, friends, and work colleagues who held certain expectations of me that I simply couldn't meet. They judged my priorities, often misunderstanding the demanding nature of my work and life. A significant turning point was when I was a working mother of three daughters in their early teens, managing a full-time job that often stretched into 16 plus-hour days. I had friends who would become upset if I didn't promptly respond to their texts or return their calls. Others would send me messages (often with sarcasm) on how difficult it was to get a hold of me, and family too, who did not comprehend the intensity of my schedule.
One evening, I reached a breaking point. I was exhausted by the accusations that I ‘didn’t care for our friendship’ or ‘was so rude’ and so I sat down and counted the calls, texts, and emails I'd received that day,: 117 calls, 32 texts, numerous voicemails, and 148 emails. I remember it clearly, as it was 10 PM, and I still had a management report to complete, along with a slew of urgent emails to address. These emails held the keys to sales consultant success - authorisations, approvals for client contracts, and more—crucial pieces in the intricacies of my job, which I needed to perform on, and keep to raise three children.
On top of the professional demands, my daughters needed attention. They sought help with homework, asked me to sign school permission forms, and simply wanted to share their day with me. My usual waking hours were from 5 AM to 1 AM, giving me an average of 4 hours rest per day, and the pressure was immense. Yet, despite my explanations, many couldn't grasp the complexity of my life, often assuming they were not a priority or were being disrespected. It was tiring, and causing more pressure than I could take.
Almost at breaking point, a great friend recommended I read a book called The Fifth Agreement. I told him I had no time for reading, however, I did have a 90 minute drive home most days and therefore I was able to take time to listen to the audible version for at least 30 minutes of the drive (the rest of it was returning calls to my team or management). The book, was a life changer for me.
I already knew that I had to make a choice and make changes, however after hearing it through the car audio on may drive home, the narrator’s words confirmed in my mind that this needed to be done, and right away. I needed to understand that I couldn’t allow others judgements and expectations to weigh me down, and needed to set boundaries and accept that some would never truly understand my circumstances. The words I listened to and the experience from implementing them taught me a valuable lesson: whilst we can explain ourselves, we cannot control how others perceive our explanations or how they feel about our priorities. It's a reminder of the Cherokee proverb my grandmother shared with me: "Great Spirit, grant that I may not criticize my neighbor until I have walked a mile in his moccasins."
Today, I still encounter moments when people misconstrue my priorities. However, instead of engaging in explanations or guilt, I've chosen to let them continue their narrative, for it's their story to believe. My focus is on shaping the narrative of my life and journey in the way I desire.
In our pursuit of balancing responsibilities and expectations, it's essential to remember that taking care of ourselves is not a luxury but a necessity. By putting ourselves first when needed and setting boundaries, we preserve our well-being, ensuring we can continue to be there for others when we choose.
Here are some key takeaways to consider:
1. Self-Care Is Not Selfish: Prioritising self-care isn't selfish; it's an act of self-preservation. Just like an empty well cannot provide water, an exhausted you cannot help others effectively.
2. Communication Is Key: Explain your circumstances when necessary, but remember that some may not fully understand or appreciate your challenges. That's okay.
3. Boundaries Are Empowering: Set clear boundaries to protect your time and energy. It's a way of honoring your well-being and ensuring you have the capacity to meet your commitments.
4. Embrace Your Priorities: Be unapologetic about your priorities. Your life's narrative should reflect what matters most to you.
As we navigate the complexities of modern life, let's do our best to keep in mind the importance of putting ourselves first when needed. It's not about neglecting others, but about ensuring we can be the best version of ourselves for our loved ones and our own well-being. And let’s try to be compassionate and understanding of others too, and acknowledge that just because someone is not available for us when we may want them to be, it doesn’t mean they won’t be when we need them, or that they do not care for us.
I will leave you with the belief that we can find balance in our lives, understand and have acceptance for others without demands and expectations, and most importantly, prioritise our own self-care.
Wishing you a wonderful week ahead
Rebecca
The below image is a photograph of the foil print set on a plaque that was on my grandmothers wall above her bed. It is what she woke up to each day, as did I when I stayed at her home to visit. I truly believe this had a big impact on the way my nan treated others, and how she taught me to treat and understand others too. I am blessed to still have this, and treasure it today.
I would love to hear of your experiences with setting boundaries, or if this edition helps you at all and invite you to comment if you feel you would like to -